"You serve, they eat. Straight after they vomit." - Gordon Ramsay

"If you were a horse they'd shoot you." - Simon Cowell

To be fair, Ramsay is in a bustling kitchen much of the time, sweat collecting on his forehead, wick short as an Oompa Loompa, which is important to note. Cowell is seated, guzzling Evian by an air conditioner, his only source of discomfort being his snug black tees. But, as Cowell would no doubt point out: "If you can't stand the heat ..."